NFL Week 2 Summaries:

Patriots beat Jets 13-10.

All the receivers were going to sue the NFL about playing in the rain, but they dropped the case.

Bills beat Panthers 24-23.

To be fair, Ron Rivera only had about a dozen opportunities to win the game.

Bears beat Vikings 31-30.

Adrian Peterson should get the MVP for not making a big stink that he plays for the Vikings.

Packers beat Redskins 38-20.

They might as well have just given them small pox blankets.

Dolphins beat Colts 24-20.

Miami is about three wins away from making you forget how dumb their new uniforms are.

Falcons beat Rams 31-24.

There's no quit with these Rams! Also, winning.

Saints beat Buccaneers 16-14.

If holding Drew Brees to under 20 points were wins, Tampa would  be like, 1 and 30, or something.

Raiders beat Jaguars 19-9.

That score doesn't accurately tell how many fans watched the game.

Ravens beat Browns 14-6.

Don't worry Baltimore, at least you have an elite quarterback.

Chiefs beat Cowboys 17-16.

Good for them, finally beating the white man.

Texans beat Titans 30-24.

With 24 points scored in the 4th quarter, many are wondering if these teams realize this isn't hockey. There are four periods.

Chargers beat Eagles 33-30.

I guess Philly is revolutionizing losing too.

Cardinals beat Lions 25-21.

Arizona hasn't looked this good since the last episode of Breaking Bad! Oh, wait. That's New Mexico. Never mind.

Broncos beat Giants 41-23.

According to a graphic, Peyton is better at Golf, Baseball, and Darts. And also? Quarterbacking.

Seahawks beat 49ers 29-3.

You'd almost think that the Seahawks were cheating somehow! With like, PEDs and stuff. But they don't do that...