From last year:
FOXBOROUGH – Coach Bill Belichick’s defense took another hit this
week when the personable Belichick’s famed hoodie was washed in hot
water and machine dried. The result was a hoodie too small for the hall
of fame head coach.
The New England Patriots at 9-3 sit on top of the AFC standings, but
their future is precarious. The Houston Texans, Baltimore Ravens, and
Pittsburgh Steelers are all constantly knocking at their door, ready to
jump ahead should the AFC East leaders falter. For a team with an
already weak defense and battling injuries, the loss of the hoodie comes
at the worst time.
“We’re not thinking about it,” said a clearly emotional Belichick.
“We’re keeping our focus on Washington. They’re a good football team.”
Staying focused might not be so easy. It’s hard to remember a time
when Belichick was on the sidelines without the hoodie. Some players
have said that the loss of the hoodie will be a rallying point, a
tragedy that will bring the team closer together.
“It’s tough,” said wide receiver Wes Welker. “I don’t think there’s
ever been a time the hoodie wasn’t with us since I’ve been here. I think
it serves as motivation though. We’re going to try and double our
production, for Bill, for the hoodie.”
The Redskins vaunted defense will determine whether Welker will
double his production. Working against the small receiver is the
Washington secondary, which has not allowed a receiver to grab thirty
receptions all season.
Tom Brady, of course, is not fazed. The greatest quarterback of all
time has been in his share of big games. “We’re treating this like a
Super Bowl,” Brady said casually. “You only see this stage once every
two or three years. You have to make them count.”
Most analysts agree that the offense is likely to have a big day; the bigger question is how the defense will fair.
Recent cornerback Julian Edelman, who grew up idealizing the great
defensive backs like Deion Sanders and Ronnie Lott, is not too
concerned. Despite Washington’s prolific passing offense, he predicts
the defense is going to step up to meet the challenge. “We practice hard
all week and try to get better every Sunday. We know the Redskins like
to run the ball. We know they are capable passing the ball.”
This kind of talk is highly unusual for Patriots players and causes
some concern, according to some NFL analysts. “Whenever you have so many
players coming out and talking like this, it gives you pause,” said NFL
blogger Marty Morningwood. “These players are speaking up like they’re
Jets! I think the loss of the hoodie is affecting everyone more than
they’ll admit.”
Still, the team will move on. With a win today and a Jets loss, the
Patriots can clinch the elusive AFC East title. Brady spoke of it in
great detail. “We’re only looking ahead to Washington,” said the elite
quarterback who is better than you. “Though it’d be great to win the
division.”
One would imagine it is on everyone’s mind though. After all, the
New England Patriots have not won an AFC East title in almost a year.
Belichick was uncharacteristically quiet on the topic. “Our goal is the
Super Bowl,” he said.
While the Patriots are in good spirits and in a good position to
make the playoffs for only the ninth time in eleven years, the
future is not as certain for one particular member of the upstart
Patriots.
Mike Dixon, the nineteen year old laundry boy for the club, has been
traded to the Buffalo Bills, according to league insiders. In exchange
for their mistake prone human washer and drier, the Patriots get a rare
third round draft pick.
Many analysts argue that the deal is actually, what some call, a
“steal” for the Patriots. League insider Jerry Fallon explained why the
deal works out well for New England. “They got this kid as an intern
from Boston College’s sports management program. It was a low risk, high
reward situation. He didn’t produce, so now they at least get a third
round draft pick.”
The Patriots have eight third round draft picks from similar trades.
Last month, their in house DJ was traded to the Seattle Seahawks after
playing the Super Bowl Shuffle. They received a third round draft pick.
Earlier during the preseason, their in house cook was traded to the
Dallas Cowboys after forgetting that Tom Brady doesn’t like fish. Again,
the Patriots got a third round draft pick.
Not everyone goes for a third round draft pick, however. Former Patriots TE Dan Gronkowski was simply cut.
“We realized he wasn’t Rob after a few plays,” explained Patriots
offensive coordinator Bill O’Brien. He was waived, re-signed, then
released as the confusion between Gronks came to a head.
Dixon has kept a low profile, something the Patriots are unfamiliar
with though happy about. “Dixon was a good kid,” said a bitter Bill
Belichick. “We wish him well, but we all have to move on.”
Asked if he were afraid to face Dixon in the season finale against
Buffalo, Belichick became surprisingly serious. “Let’s just say I won’t
be wearing anything I like.”
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Just gotta say, it's funny to think that I was making fun of Washington, then they turned around and came so close to beating the Patriots that week.
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