PSN (Phony Sports News): Cyclist Accused of Being Clean!

Justin Aldrin won the Fifth Annual Piccolo Fondo for Testicular Cancer Awareness in Lincoln, New Hampshire this weekend. He didn't just win the 25 mile road race for the third straight year - he destroyed his competition finishing a full three minutes before any other competitor. This year, however, things went a little differently for the victor. Instead of the pomp and circumstance the 27 year old cyclist has grown accustomed to, he was welcomed to the podium with negative chants.

Aldrin is battling accusations of being clean. If the blood test he submitted immediately after the race comes back negative, he could be stripped of his three titles. If the three time champ is worried, he's not showing it.

"I just want the truth to come out," he said in his press conference the next morning. "I've been taking steroids for like, at least a decade."

This isn't the first time he has been accused of being clean. When he first broke onto the local cycling scene, many of his competitors cried fair as he passed them on his way to his first win on the 30th Annual Road Race for the Survival Center in Plymouth, NH.

"I'd never seen anything like it," said second place finisher Michael Flanders. "He just kept his head down and pedaled hard. He was just a jerk about the whole thing."

"I swear I was doping to increase my testosterone levels!" Aldrin defends. "The blood test should prove that."

While the attention paid to this little event is welcomed by event organizers, they admit that the controversy has them a little befuddled. "I just don't know how this could have slipped through the cracks," Linda Sheldon said. The director of the Testicular Cancer Awareness issued a statement to assure spectators that they are very careful to test every participant for doping. "If they're caught clean, they are immediately removed from the competition. Simple as that."

"There's a lot of pressure to be the best," said Flanders. "Fans want winners."

Flanders has gone on to win several local road races and finishing in a respectable place on the national stage in recent years. He too isn't without controversy. He won the Plymouth race and the Lincoln race in consecutive years before hearing accusations that he was not doping. Several blood tests came back positive for erythropoietin, a kind of blood doping that maximizes the efficiency of red blood cells that then enhances performance. He was allowed to keep his titles after his next, less substantial controversy in which he murdered his ex-girlfriend. Police blood tests placed Flanders at the scene of the crime, but by that time, nobody cared.

Despite the accusations, Aldrin remains upbeat and is looking forward to his next race. "Oh, I'm definitely going to enjoy this win. Relax this weekend. But the 15th Annual Road Race and Cider Donut Eating Contest is in a couple of weeks. So come Monday, it's right back to shooting human growth hormone," Aldrin said.

Aldrin also has a message for his critics. "It's stupid to think I'm not doping," he contests. "I mean, frankly, I'm not sure I understand why there are still people who aren't taking EPO! It makes your cells function better for Christ's sake!"

On this point, Flanders agrees. "Anyone not taking steroids is (expletive) stupid."